Double Trouble

As is typical in Washington, there are leaks and hints about the House Republican’s budget proposal that will be unveiled by Paul Ryan and others on Tuesday. Indications are the GOP will call for $4 Trillion in cuts…to be spread over ten years…a decade…one-tenth of a century. If you are mathematically challenged, their numbers reduce annual expenditures by $400 Billion per year…assuming those cuts hold fast (which they will not) for every year. Presently, our annual deficit is $1.65 TRILLION, so even if the Republicans pass their plan and hold true for a decade, the federal debt will explode from $14.3 Trillion to $26.8 Trillion when the decade has passed. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This is fiscal responsibility?

A frequent refrain in our public discourse deals with the “unsustainability” of the $14.3 Trillion debt. So $26.8 Trillion ….or more…is more sustainable? That damn “new math” trend that we went through in the past has finally manifested itself in our government “leadership.” It appears to me that the $400 billion in annual cuts are merely buying time. Apparently $400 billion per year for time must be a bargain. The GOP will whine that this is the best they can do given the Democratic Senate and the Democrat at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Sorry, O’ Fearful Ones, it is not good enough. They’ll respond that we may face a “shutdown” of the federal government if they “overreach.” My response is that we face a “shutdown” of the federal government sometime within the next ten years because they underperformed. When will banks, nations and investors cease purchasing our debt? Besides…does any sentient person really believe that they will hold the line on the $400 billion annual reduction? Inflation (caused in part by their overspending) and anecdotal sob stories will tap into the budget for more programs, more agencies and more money. Republicans, you are trying to scam us with a shell game, and we aren’t buying it.

This column is a bipartisan beat down. The Republicans are not the only ones responsible for our fiscal sewer. The Democrats have bushels of blame in their storehouse of perfidy. They are the “Anti-Rainman.” That means that they lack even the most basic math skills. Democrats add 2+2 and get “soak the rich.” Democrats promise everything to everyone and expect the top two per cent (2%) of earners to pay for it all plus the massive supporting bureaucracies with the friendly public sector union members and dollars. Clearly, Democrats have spent too much time smoking dope otherwise how does one explain their radical deficiency of brain cells?

Other columnist and I have written that shaving a percentage off the top of the budget is a meaningless symbolism. It will not work. One must “zero out” entire agencies, departments and bureaus to achieve anything close to balance. House Republicans, you have fewer than 24 hours until you unveil your “bold, new” (ineffective, clownish) plan. I suggest that ALL of you and a few semi-responsible Democrats visit Walter Reed Medical Center. Walk the halls, enter the rooms and wards. Talk to the brave women and men who have suffered wounds in battle. Pay particular attention to those who have lost limbs as a result of their injuries. Often, on the battlefield a warrior becomes wounded, and the triage physicians or medics must make a critical decision. “Lose the limb and save the life” is a frequent conclusion. While wandering through the hospital, observe how many of our brave young warriors are being fitted for prosthesis (one or more). As they rehabilitate, they are learning to go forward with their lives after losing, sacrificing an important part of their bodies for our country.

House members, how can you ask these warriors to sacrifice for your irresponsible actions? Save the nation. Sacrifice the limbs of agencies, bureaus and departments to save the body of our country. What you are proposing is the least that you can do. The least isn’t good enough. We need your BEST shot…NOW.

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Addiction Affliction

We appear to be a nation that is addicted to addiction. The magazines and tabloids at our supermarket checkouts are filled with stories about the latest celebrity to enter rehabilitation for problems associated with addiction. The panorama of addiction ranges from legal pharmaceuticals across the board through illegal substances, sex, Twinkies and spending. The difficulty with most addictive behavior is that the addiction erodes the productive ability of the junkie who needs greater resources to support the habit. It becomes a fast-paced spiral to the bottom. The cycle of destruction applies to politicians too. As they initiate more programs “for the people,” they must have larger resources to sustain them. Their insistence on micro-managing our lives undermines our productivity plus their additional programs consume larger portions of the nation’s capital which reduces our ability to generate funds for government. So, they borrow the funds to do good works for us, and saddle ours and future generations with massive debts. This attitude from our political leaders is akin to being told,” you’ll feel better when the beatings stop.”

It is obvious to me that the “spend-aholic” virus must be lurking somewhere in the Capitol building of the nation. Idealistic candidates run for office and vow to stop the profligate spending, but when their footsteps echo across the marble floors of that great building, things change. Three primary anatomical sectors of the Congress person’s body seem to be most affected by the spending virus. They are the heart, the brain and the spine. The heart is affected because the virus generates excessive bleeding whenever the legislator hears an anecdotal sob story. The resultant loss of blood causes the politician to lose all sense of proportion and demand that “something must be done” to alleviate the suffering for an indeterminate number of people.

The brain is particularly susceptible to the virus because most career politicians suffer from mental deficiencies prior to taking office so the viral effect becomes exaggerated. The little intruder attacks the cranial area and gnaws away at the resident gray matter until the brain has been reduced beyond any capacity for normal functioning. As a result, reason is lost and common sense becomes a distant memory while the politician continues to roam the halls in a semi-vegetative state.  The spine is vulnerable to the virus because of its gelatinous consistency. An important element of the job description for a career politician is that the spine must be formed from Jell-O, and the virus finds the quivering mass extremely hospitable.

We should note that the “spend-aholic virus” has two distinct versions. The more basic branch affects the desire of the host organism to excessively spend his own money. The more virulent, deadly one, however, causes the recipient host to spend other people’s money. In addition, the impact on the host’s brain causes her or him to believe that their behavior is good and noble. The insidious virus cannot be medicated or irradiated, it must be surgically eliminated. The drastic surgical procedure is a three-part operation: 1) the heart must be totally bypassed because it has no cerebral capacity; 2) a full-scale lobotomy is necessary, but it is difficult because of the microscopic size of the brain; and 3) the spine must undergo a gradual transformation. First, replace the Jell-O with Pudding Pops followed by Popsicles, then pretzel rods, and finally, a titanium-steel alloy. Obviously an overhaul so dramatic requires an extensive period of rehabilitation just like any other recovery from an addiction.

Historically career politicians have resorted to booze or pills in their efforts to rehab from the spending virus. For obvious reasons those remedies have been unsuccessful. In the spirit of public service, I have decided to erect a rehab-halfway house for overspending politicians who now recognize the destructive nature of their disease. Its name shall be “Protect Our Overspending Politicians,” POOP. Given their lifestyles and the ways that they have abused our people and our nation, it seems reasonable and just for career politicians to spend the rest of their lives immersed in POOP.

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